Divorce Parties

I've certainly had both clients and opponents who throw "divorce parties" on our around the day a judgment of dissolution is entered in his or her case, but never heard of the former couple throwing one together until now (see link below)

In my practice, I have had clients in the past who suffered spousal abuse and then had a divorce party, and could not help but be glad for them that they have supportive people and greater happiness to look forward to in their future lives.... I have also been sad for clients, however, who still harbored affection for their exes and who were well aware that their spouse had plans to celebrate the split. And then there have been folks who made elaborate plans for a divorce party and then learned that their divorce would not yet be final on the expected date for one reason or another.

My advice: If you are going to have a divorce party, consider the extent to which you can publicize it without causing undue offense to others, and plan dates carefully to ensure that your party isn't premature.

http://abcnews.go.com/…/couple-throws-party-friends-…/story…

https://www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce/
 

Philosophy of Relationship Dilemmas

Here we have a fascinating if light-hearted summary of the "dilemmas of relationships," one which astutely places the concepts of "loyalty" and "freedom" in tension, with prioritization of either against the other having attendant upsides and downsides.  Each archetype of relationships in society (marriage, divorce, and 5 other alternatives) is examined as featuring certain advantages and disadvantages.

No archetype being free of disadvantages, a central, underlying problem is then identified: "why are others so hard to love" and "why are we ourselves so hard to live with"?

Without explicitly coming out in favor of a given relationship format, the discourse arrives at a summary recommendation for curing the central problem and relieving a relationship archetype of its negative aspects: 

Develop our emotional skills, because “the solution to the dilemmas of relationships should be to increase our understanding of how to love, rather than merely making it easier to find and fire new lovers."


Video


J Harrison Fulk

Post-Divorce Retirement Planning Tips

In divorce, retirement plans are often divided in some equitable fashion.  More specifically, the "marital portion" of retirement plans (whether "defined benefit" plans, like pensions, or "defined contribution" plans, like 401(k)s) are usually divided evenly. 

There is a whole world of considerations inherent in these divisions, but I'll just note on a basic level that the terms of these divisions deserve careful attention when going through divorce, as there are various ways to approach them and pitfalls for the unwary.

Once divorce terms are finalized, however, still more retirement planning considerations lie ahead for the wise divorcee.

The below article's 4 tips:

1. Define your starting point
2. Rebalance wisely
3. Start planning now for medical care
4. Think about Social Security sooner rather than later


http://money.usnews.com/investing/articles/2016-11-08/4-tips-for-retooling-your-retirement-plan-after-divorce

-J Harrison Fulk
www.coxandassoc.com/j-harrison-fulk
www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce

Extra reason to celebrate an 8-year marriage anniversary?

According to the 2009 data in the US Census, the median length of a marriage that ends in divorce, in the US, is 8.0 years, over three years shorter than the median in the UK.

Similar data has resulted in an estimate that something like 40% of American marriages end in divorce.

It would seem then, that any American marriage has a 60% chance to avoid divorce to begin with, on average, and any American marriage that lasts more than 8 years has made it past most of the remaining 40%.

Therefore, very roughly, it appears that a marriage that lasts more than 8 years in America has an 80% chance to avoid divorce.

www.coxandassoc.com/j-harrison-fulk


https://www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce/

Emotional Affairs

"Emotional affair" may sound like a silly concept, but they can be serious.

I've seen more than one divorce result from a spouse's thoughts, fantasies or feelings shifting to a third party without physical infidelity. In fact, in the digital age I've seen it happen even without the "unfaithful" spouse ever meeting the third party "in real life."

 

Here's a checklist barometer for detecting the roots of the emotional affair.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/you-may-be-emotionally-cheating_us_583de8b5e4b0ae0e7cda6437

 

 

www.coxandassoc.com/j-harrison-fulk

 

www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce

 

Emerging Lawyers

Satisfied clients for whom meaningful work was done remain the most rewarding source of recognition in my practice.  Recognition from peers is also nice, however, and I am lucky to be able to share such recognition with the other attorneys at my firm.

My clients are also fortunate that I work alongside skilled attorneys in diverse areas of law, so that I can benefit from their expertise when family law issues overlap with, for instance, real estate, civil law suits, trust/estate/probate concerns, or business advising issues.  You can read more about them and my firm's various areas of practice at www.coxandassoc.com

From my facebook posts at www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce :

This divorce attorney's favorite movie about divorce: "Intolerable Cruelty" (and Honorable Mention: "The War of the Roses")

A generally unpleasant subject has somehow yielded some pretty good entertainment.

"Intolerable Cruelty," by far my favorite divorce movie, is a 2003 Coen Brothers film starring George Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Billy Bob Thornton. One could call it a dark comedy due to its sardonic take on divorce and divorce law practice, but it is extremel...y silly and so full of jokes that it took me six-or-so viewings to feel like I'd caught all the humor. It makes light of the dehumanizing aspects of the divorce process, caricaturing litigants and lawyers alike as heartless and superficial, rendered thus by the adversarial aspects of divorce litigation. From beneath this cold satire eventually emerges a layer of humanity and warmth, as the protagonists learn, despite themselves and their experiences, to believe again in the existence and value of love. Mostly, it cleverly makes something very painful very funny without resorting to inducing cringes, all set to a strange and prominent Simon & Garfunkel soundtrack.

"The War of the Roses" is also a satire of the dehumanizing aspects of divorce, and is certainly a dark comedy, but without the warmth or lightheartedness of Intolerable Cruelty. It features Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner going from romance to all-out war, and the shocking escalation of hostility is somehow also the fun of the movie.

Others: I confess I haven't seen the classic film "Kramer vs. Kramer" as it's just never sounded like much fun. Neither do I think I'm the target audience for such movies as "Stepmom", "Father's Day" and "Mother's Day." I think I saw "Liar Liar" twice in the theaters for some reason but didn't actually like it that much. Sylvester Stallone's "Over the Top" supposedly involves a heavy dose of divorce drama as well, but I somehow never caught those parts around all the arm-wrestling.

Let me know if your favorite films involving divorce or family law are different, or if you have thoughts or different opinions on mine!

www.coxandassoc.com/J-Harrison-Fulk