"11 Qualities Every Truly Happy Relationship Has in Common"

The list in this article can be distilled down to the easy-to-remember abbreviation C CAT PIMP LUF.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/qualities-of-happy-relationships_us_585d5f5fe4b0de3a08f52867

Interesting article on the rising Chinese divorce rate, which is approaching that of the US (but would still have to increase substantially to pass Russia).

Side note: I will not be able to compete with the quoted Chinese rate of $1.40 for divorce services, outside of the pro bono representation I'm able to take on.

http://www.economist.com/news/china/21688901-while-government-talks-up-family-values-marriage-break-ups-are-soaring-divorce-love-story

Divorce Parties

I've certainly had both clients and opponents who throw "divorce parties" on our around the day a judgment of dissolution is entered in his or her case, but never heard of the former couple throwing one together until now (see link below)

In my practice, I have had clients in the past who suffered spousal abuse and then had a divorce party, and could not help but be glad for them that they have supportive people and greater happiness to look forward to in their future lives.... I have also been sad for clients, however, who still harbored affection for their exes and who were well aware that their spouse had plans to celebrate the split. And then there have been folks who made elaborate plans for a divorce party and then learned that their divorce would not yet be final on the expected date for one reason or another.

My advice: If you are going to have a divorce party, consider the extent to which you can publicize it without causing undue offense to others, and plan dates carefully to ensure that your party isn't premature.

http://abcnews.go.com/…/couple-throws-party-friends-…/story…

https://www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce/
 

Philosophy of Relationship Dilemmas

Here we have a fascinating if light-hearted summary of the "dilemmas of relationships," one which astutely places the concepts of "loyalty" and "freedom" in tension, with prioritization of either against the other having attendant upsides and downsides.  Each archetype of relationships in society (marriage, divorce, and 5 other alternatives) is examined as featuring certain advantages and disadvantages.

No archetype being free of disadvantages, a central, underlying problem is then identified: "why are others so hard to love" and "why are we ourselves so hard to live with"?

Without explicitly coming out in favor of a given relationship format, the discourse arrives at a summary recommendation for curing the central problem and relieving a relationship archetype of its negative aspects: 

Develop our emotional skills, because “the solution to the dilemmas of relationships should be to increase our understanding of how to love, rather than merely making it easier to find and fire new lovers."


Video


J Harrison Fulk

Post-Divorce Retirement Planning Tips

In divorce, retirement plans are often divided in some equitable fashion.  More specifically, the "marital portion" of retirement plans (whether "defined benefit" plans, like pensions, or "defined contribution" plans, like 401(k)s) are usually divided evenly. 

There is a whole world of considerations inherent in these divisions, but I'll just note on a basic level that the terms of these divisions deserve careful attention when going through divorce, as there are various ways to approach them and pitfalls for the unwary.

Once divorce terms are finalized, however, still more retirement planning considerations lie ahead for the wise divorcee.

The below article's 4 tips:

1. Define your starting point
2. Rebalance wisely
3. Start planning now for medical care
4. Think about Social Security sooner rather than later


http://money.usnews.com/investing/articles/2016-11-08/4-tips-for-retooling-your-retirement-plan-after-divorce

-J Harrison Fulk
www.coxandassoc.com/j-harrison-fulk
www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce

Extra reason to celebrate an 8-year marriage anniversary?

According to the 2009 data in the US Census, the median length of a marriage that ends in divorce, in the US, is 8.0 years, over three years shorter than the median in the UK.

Similar data has resulted in an estimate that something like 40% of American marriages end in divorce.

It would seem then, that any American marriage has a 60% chance to avoid divorce to begin with, on average, and any American marriage that lasts more than 8 years has made it past most of the remaining 40%.

Therefore, very roughly, it appears that a marriage that lasts more than 8 years in America has an 80% chance to avoid divorce.

www.coxandassoc.com/j-harrison-fulk


https://www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce/

Emotional Affairs

"Emotional affair" may sound like a silly concept, but they can be serious.

I've seen more than one divorce result from a spouse's thoughts, fantasies or feelings shifting to a third party without physical infidelity. In fact, in the digital age I've seen it happen even without the "unfaithful" spouse ever meeting the third party "in real life."

 

Here's a checklist barometer for detecting the roots of the emotional affair.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/you-may-be-emotionally-cheating_us_583de8b5e4b0ae0e7cda6437

 

 

www.coxandassoc.com/j-harrison-fulk

 

www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce

 

Emerging Lawyers

Satisfied clients for whom meaningful work was done remain the most rewarding source of recognition in my practice.  Recognition from peers is also nice, however, and I am lucky to be able to share such recognition with the other attorneys at my firm.

My clients are also fortunate that I work alongside skilled attorneys in diverse areas of law, so that I can benefit from their expertise when family law issues overlap with, for instance, real estate, civil law suits, trust/estate/probate concerns, or business advising issues.  You can read more about them and my firm's various areas of practice at www.coxandassoc.com

From my facebook posts at www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce :

This divorce attorney's favorite movie about divorce: "Intolerable Cruelty" (and Honorable Mention: "The War of the Roses")

A generally unpleasant subject has somehow yielded some pretty good entertainment.

"Intolerable Cruelty," by far my favorite divorce movie, is a 2003 Coen Brothers film starring George Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Billy Bob Thornton. One could call it a dark comedy due to its sardonic take on divorce and divorce law practice, but it is extremel...y silly and so full of jokes that it took me six-or-so viewings to feel like I'd caught all the humor. It makes light of the dehumanizing aspects of the divorce process, caricaturing litigants and lawyers alike as heartless and superficial, rendered thus by the adversarial aspects of divorce litigation. From beneath this cold satire eventually emerges a layer of humanity and warmth, as the protagonists learn, despite themselves and their experiences, to believe again in the existence and value of love. Mostly, it cleverly makes something very painful very funny without resorting to inducing cringes, all set to a strange and prominent Simon & Garfunkel soundtrack.

"The War of the Roses" is also a satire of the dehumanizing aspects of divorce, and is certainly a dark comedy, but without the warmth or lightheartedness of Intolerable Cruelty. It features Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner going from romance to all-out war, and the shocking escalation of hostility is somehow also the fun of the movie.

Others: I confess I haven't seen the classic film "Kramer vs. Kramer" as it's just never sounded like much fun. Neither do I think I'm the target audience for such movies as "Stepmom", "Father's Day" and "Mother's Day." I think I saw "Liar Liar" twice in the theaters for some reason but didn't actually like it that much. Sylvester Stallone's "Over the Top" supposedly involves a heavy dose of divorce drama as well, but I somehow never caught those parts around all the arm-wrestling.

Let me know if your favorite films involving divorce or family law are different, or if you have thoughts or different opinions on mine!

www.coxandassoc.com/J-Harrison-Fulk
 

The Big Issue Lists in Illinois Divorces

"The Big 4" Areas of Significant Parental Decision-Making:

1. Education
2. Medical
3. Extracurricular
4. Religion

What used to be "legal custody" is now broken down into these four areas - a "Parenting Plan" will generally spell out which parent has the right to make decisions in each of them, or whether they shared, and any detailed nuances to the breakdown of the rights.

"The Big 3" Types of parenting time categories:
1. Regular parenting time
2. Holiday parenting time
3. Extended annual parenting time

What used to be "physical custody" is now "parenting time."  Major holidays are most often divided evenly or alternated.  Most often, the parents get equal periods of extended annual vacation time (I see "each parent gets two weeks" most often).  The Regular parenting time schedule is the most frequent area where disputes arise.


"The Big 3" financial issues to be sorted out in divorce:

1. Property/Debt division.
2. Spousal maintenance.
3. Child Support (including who carries medical insurance, and any division of child-related medical, educational, extracurricular, and/or childcare expenses...and who claims children as dependents on tax returns).



"The Big 3" Common asset types needing divided in a divorce:

1. Real Estate
2. Retirement/Investment Accounts
3. Vehicles

If these issues can be sorted out, often the rest of the assets are small potatoes by comparison.

Each of these issues can be fraught with complications and sub-issues.  If you need help navigating disputes on any or all of them, get in touch via www.coxandassoc.com , www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce, or (309) 828-7331.

Apropos of the election, here is a list of divorcees who were US Presidents (or Presidents elect):

1. Ronald Reagan
2. Donald Trump (twice divorced)

One possible lesson here...divorce needn't limit one's future ambitions!

I post similar notes with regard to divorce and family law at www.facebook.com/BloomingtonILDivorce

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/the-advice-marriage-therapists-give-couples-whove-fallen-out-of-love_us_5817799de4b0990edc32890c

The Huffington Post frequently posts insightful and thought-provoking articles on the subject of the difficulties of divorce and blended family issues.


If the type of perspective you need is of a more legal nature, feel free to set up an initial consultation with me: www.coxandassoc.com/j-harrison-fulk

A fall sunset view of downtown Bloomington, towards the East, from my office at Cox & Associates www.coxandassoc.com


Here is a link to the Illinois Marriage and Dissolution of Marriage Act...a great deal of the law is easy to understand if you read carefully!  http://www.ilga.gov/legislation/ilcs/ilcs5.asp?ActID=2086

Introduction

Having practiced divorce and family law in Bloomington, Illinois and the surrounding area since 2007, I've set up this blog to share such thoughts and updates as may be helpful to readers in this area of Illinois.

I joined Cox & Associates recently and am excited to bring my divorce and family law practice to an established team in a general legal practice that can serve a broad area of the local population's legal needs.  www.coxandassoc.com

Feel free also to visit me on facebook at www.facebook.com/bloomingtonildivorce